Nixon is officially 3 months old. When i think about it, it seems like a huge milestone and he's growing so fast. But then i think about when he's going to be 6 months old which seems like the next big mileston and I think, his whole life up to this point has to be relived to get to that milestone. H'es only lived a whole 3 months and that's how many more days he has to get through to get to 6 and it calms me down. I don't feel like time is flying in that perspective.
I feel like Nixon is just getting chubbier and a teeny bit longer, but i feel like his incredible changes week to week are slowing down, almost coming to a stand still. I don't feel like I have to strain to keep my eyes open because if i blink he will have drastically changed again and i will have missed it.
I think it's because his face (like future adult face) is finally coming through. Past the sweet chubby cheeks, nixon's eyes have grown into the shape of Michaels. The come together in a little downward crease when he smiles. They aren't swollen looking anymore. His little lips are making giant smiles and yesterday for the first time I heard a little giggle. It was just one or two little chuckles that turned into a kind of forced smiley groan but it was a giggle none the less. His body is finally into the clothes size that he should be into, and he doesn't seem to by flying through those sizes to the next like he was doing. he was born at such a small size that he could only wear preemie clothes, then after about a month, he was into newborn clothes (when most newborns can only wear newborn clothes for a couple weeks and at 1 month are in 0-3's.) At about 2 months he was finally into 0-3s. He still in 0-3's but he's also fitting into a few 3-6's. he's catching up to all the other babies and their sizing. It's kind of exciting. Before, when changing him, i would look at him and think to myelf (how old is he...) and then choose the size down from that. So if he was newborn, i had to put him in preemie, at 1or 2 months i had to put him in newborn, but now i say "how old is he" and i get to try that size outfit on him. Its fun, i feel like we accomplished something.
One thing that crackes me up about Nixon growing up, is the things he gets upset with seem to change so here come mom and dad trying to figure out how to sooth these things like little detectives. So as i said he cries when he hungry, tired, or a poopy diaper. Occasionally when he needs to burp and wants to play and we want to sleep. The over the shoulder patting works sometimes but we've found the bouncing on the knee seems to be efffective and apparently it's Nixon new favorite thing. So when he cries, we try it, and it almost always works. I have even been able to get him to fall asleep that way. He gets tired and wants to sleep but wont let himself and cries, we have now found that another way to make him sleep with out using the hair drier is putting a soft blanket around his head, there's something about it that makes him fall asleep, along with the car seat. We have also discovered the TV. He apparently loves the TV. When he was to play and i want to sleep, i stick him in front of the TV in his car seat and he's happy as a bug for about an hour. it's pretty cute.
We have started a little routine when michael goes to work. It used to be that michael would leave, nixon would cry and i would have to run through all the things that make him cry and try to fix them like feed him, then burp him, then change his diaper, then try to play, and then try to burp him again, Id finally get to sleep again about 2 hours later and by that time it's like 10 so i only want to sleep for like an hour so my day doesn't seem waisted. but recently we get up, sometimes i feed him (depending on when he ate last,) i burp him and change him, then he goes in front of the t.v in his car seat while i sleep on the couch, then about a half hour later, he's over stimulated and wants to sleep so we rest for a couple hours on the couch. It's awesome for right now.
Nursing...depressing. Ever since Nixon was born, I've had to use a nipple sheild because my nipples are too flat to nurse without it. I've had hopes that nursing enough or pumping enough would make them come out more so Nixon would have something to latch on to. but every time I try to get him to latch on with out the shield he can't do it, get's frusterated and cries. I would feel like such a failure that i would go back to the shield and hold off on trying for a while till i was emitionally ready to be let down again. Well all shields are pretty gigantic compared to regular bottle nipples. I still nurse here and there like every other day, but Nixon still falls asleep while nursing and doesn't get enough to eat and I end up pumping out the rest anyways. Recently though, he's been sucking the shield really weird like it's too big of a nipple and he doesn't know how to attempt it anymore. the last couple of times he's stopped eating pulled his head back and tried to readjust a few times and gets frusterated and sometimes cries. The last time I nursed him, milk kept leaking out of the side of his mouth. I'm afraid that our nursing days are coming to an end. I wish he could figure out how to suck the shield again, but it seems pointless to try and work at this when he falls asleep anyways. I'm still going to try here and there like i have been, but i think closing the door in my heart in this area is going to maybe make is hurt less emotionally as he struggles with nursing. I do wish i was just like every other mom that can just put a hooter hider on, bust out a breast and nurse her baby anywhere but I just can't. At times i feel like a nursing failure and want to cry, but i try to tell myself that i tried my best and this is just the body God gave me, flat nipples and all. All i can say, is thank God for the pump and the woman who lent me hers because I don't know where we would be with out it...p.s. Nixon is eating 6to 7 ounces a feeding period (like 4 hours apart) that just seems so crazy to me that he's growing that much.
well i just fed him and its 3:15 in the morning. he stopped making his little adjitated sleeping sounds and it sounds like he's into his deep sleep so i'm giong to try to go sleep myself. Goodnight
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