Well it's officially the New Year. It might have been one of the most tiressome and saddest starts to the new year for me. I woke up around 8 because my brother in-law and father in-law were leaving to drive to Illinois so that my brother in-law could move there and do a graduate assistant position. I didn't think I would be as sad as I found that I was. Adam, isn't around too much. I see him maybe about once a week on a random week night. But there's something I love about that boy. He's this big musle boy who looks pretty intimidating when you meet him. His humor is sarcastic, he likes to pick on people all in good fun. But throughout my pregnancy and the birth of little Nixon, I have seen this soft side of him that I had heard about through Michael and caught tiny glimses of throughout being part of this family, but never experienced in the full entent till now. I have really enjoyed the playful banter with Adam whenever I would see him, and the funny stories he would tell.
But I have especially loved seeing him with Nixon. I remember the first time he came home when Nixon was home. We were all around the dinner table, eating, while Nixon was in his car seat in a chair. Most people who were around Nixon since he was home would just say, "can I see him." But when Adam came home he said, "Can I hold him?" which caught me off guard a bit and really blessed me. So i said sure. and when I saw how gentle this big man was with this tiny little baby, it filled my heart with so much joy. I saw him take little Nixon over to the couch and just stare at him. At times it even looked like he was going to kiss him. It was absolutely adorable. And its this way anytime Adam holds him. I have offered Adam to hold Nixon a lot just because I love watching this happen. Plus one thing that I was really blessed by with Adam, was when he would hold Nixon, he always offered to me if i wanted to hold him. And though it sounds weird, it always meant so much to me because there were quite a few days where I only got to hold him late at night because when we were with people, I would want them to hold him and I think they would just assume that I had a lot of him, even though I really didn't. I always answered no to Adam, but the fact that some one was noticing and caring of me with my baby meant so much to me.
So Adam leaving was really sad to me. Plus Adam is kinda a free ranger. He does good on his own, so I know that wiht him being gone, he probably wont visit much, and it's pretty much the beginning of his independence. I don't expect him to ever move back to Oregon. He will probably always be living somewhere distant and that's a littl esad to me.
Plus this day was the day my parents were leaving. Boy was that emotional. It was hard to see my parents tearing up holding Nixon. To see his little body all rolled up on them, knowing that the next time they see him and hold him, he will probably be a big chubby baby. The wont be able to experince any more of this tiny infant Nixon. And knowing that just breaks my heart. We all cried and they took off. After they left, I went to bed with Nixon and just cried. Then I fell asleep. Then I woke up and cried some more, and went back to sleep. That was pretty much my day till Michael came home. Then he cheered me up and we ate left over party snacks and watched the Hangover. Which the movie itself is pretty crude and kind of vulgar, but funny at the same time so it took my mind off of the emotional day.
But that night was a doosey. I couldn't go to bed because I had had a soda right before the end of the movie. I was tired and emotional still. All of the sudden I remembered that Nixon showed us today that he pretty much can't fit into his preemie clothes anymore. Instead of being excited for my little growing man, I just started to freak out in my head that my little baby was growing to fast. I ran into his room, in tears of course, and grabbed the newborn outfit that he was wearing this day, and grabbed a preemie outfit to see if there was a big difference in size. I was scared that there would be and I would realized that he grew like an inch in the last week. But after comparing them I realized the size wasn't a big difference at all. So I felt better. But this night, whenever he woke me, I was just delighted to be with him. Usually, he can test my patience a little because of my lack of sleep but I just wanted to take everything in tonight. So just laughed at him, smelt him, kissed him, held him close, and rubbed him. It was really a very sweet night.
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